Advice to my old self

Angel Red, Poet

As you watch your breath on the morning gloom do not wish to be drifting alongside it.
For the day that you drift freely alongside the mist is the same day you have fallen below the pit.
When you smile both to hide your pain and the bags of insomnia under your eyes.
Never forget that as soon as your story is heard by the masses and you no longer have control it is all compromised.
Pain will always be in you brain whether it be emotional or physical.
Leave all of it alone you will never be able to get past where you are it’s as pointless as trying to reach the end of the room on an elliptical.
Every time you look out into the streets and you say walk forward it is your time.
The choice is yours because whether you were better off to live or die you will not know till after if it was a pantomime.
Depression does not ever coexist with the other feelings in your head.
It wall claw and ravage in your brain until the point where you will give in and one of you is dead.
When the memories of the beatings and the different dreams in the night wake you,
Don’t forget that you will be back in the weekend but maybe one of these times it’s different and there was nothing you could do.
That the next time something happens you won’t be a coward and step back and hide and shiver from fear.
Time waits for no one and it will never be on your side so when yours comes to help stop lying down like a dog, pick up your hands and wipe your tear.
It’s not okay anymore to let it out to anybody.
Even those closest to you will reach around to your back and it will no longer be a relationship of “we.”
Sleep is no longer important the insanity of it all will benefit.
This will build the layers upon layers of rock to act as your walls to cave yourself in, think of it as a personal shield of sediment.
When your breath floats through the air,
Be still and let it go for it has escaped, for it has escaped the mundane and treacherous to what you want, freedom without care.